time passes faster when you're home

Saturday already? Well how'd that happen?
Well my activities are not a whole lot different from the hospital (sit in the sun in a favorite chair and either read, knit, eat, or just stare). But...... I get to move around!!!!! Up and down stairs, room to room, walk my neighborhoods again instead of hallways, and most of all, be with the boys!!!!!! I store up and wait for them to get home, play some games with them, then peter out. The fevers (very low grade by the time I got home 99.8 - 100 as highest) have been gone since Tues p.m. That's great! One less thing for me to get parinoid about. It's tricky though, the first few days I would run to the thermometer as I would be freezing with chills!! (98.6) normal - I'm just REALLY COLD, ALL the time. I have to plan my walk around the sun being out and the temp being as close to 30.
Some more consistant nausea (but no vomiting) has begun, diareah (but hard to tell if it's GVHD or a mixture of the 9 pills I take twice a day). No signs of rashes, and on Thurs.'s visits my counts looked good. I'm right on track they say.
As fabulous as it is being home, WE"RE ALL adjusting! The kids are thrilled, but little things are coming back out that they've been holding together for a month. Here's Sam's the other night "don't we have that white dressing?" "This one Sam (ceasar)?" " NO, THE OTHER ONE! (now totally in tears and yelling) " Sam do you mean ranch?" "YES!!!!!" "I think we're out" "BUT WE"VE BEEN OUT FOR ONE MONTH!!!!!"
I can't seem to stop holding them each chance I get (followed with uncontrolable tears) and then there's those uncontrolable tears out of the blue that sometimes can't stop either (that was most of Tues.and Wed.) As great as it is to be home, I often feel like a stranger here. My hands are tied and limited to what I can do, even if I felt like doing any of them. I need to learn to actually get in bed and turn the light out before the point I'm crying each night at the thought of transitioning and getting ready for bed. We'll figure it out in time - day by day with alot of patience!! And one good day could be followed by two not so good, for no reason either. We're aware of that. It is a long few months (to a year) ahead of us again. But we stick together and we power through with so much love and faith, and support!
Love to all - Pam