Monday, March 24, 2008

A little perspective ... funny style

My dear friend Anita sent this to me last year when I first lost my hair.
The other day, my good buddy Amy sent it to me as well.

..... I like who I hang with ! Good minds think alike :) .......

Attitude
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well", she said,"'I think I'll braid my hair today." And she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M", she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well", she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"


Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......
Leave the rest to God.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain!


The first part is fun and silly, the second - I believe deeply from the bottom of my heart as a life philosophy!! Have a GREAT day - Pam

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Happy Spring!

We've had a couple of good and busy weeks here. Last week I was feeling a little more tired than usual for some reason and had lots of skin sensitivity. This week, some of my daily little symptoms I have haven't been as bad and my energy has been back. Which is nice. My hair is even starting to REALLY grow! :)

DHMH visits continue to be good with lab work staying consistant, my most recent bone marrow looking good (80-90% - about the same as before, even a bit better - cells looking very healthy).

I've been seeing lots of friends again which is such a treat. Now that Troy is back to work, my friend Beth took me to DHMH recently, which was a beautiful day of non stop chit chat and giggles. She even watched my bone marrow. You've got Troy beat there. My mom has come a few times. My brother and dad, my friend Jen as well, are all in line for filling in on those drives. And I know there are a ton of offers out there. I love having visits from Robinson this month, as well as delicious meals. Thank you! I finally caught up with Nancie and Amy after MANY attempts. I also just spent a day with my very dear college roomie, Kim, who now live in Waterbury. Griff and I get our baby fix in every couple of days on our walks as we say a quick "hi" to baby Cordelia, new daughter to Dan and Nicki Bergstrom Noel. OK sometimes we're not so quick, it's been great having Dan and Nicki around. The Oxfords and Paradees have been having healthy kids, which means family play time together and some fun Sunday meals. I'm walking all about Bristol and able to see so many members of the community. Even have done a few pick ups of Griff at preschool and the boys at BES. Getting there ..... feeling more "normal" as time goes on. But, as any of you around me see, still limited (no crowded areas, busy restaraunts, known sickness around) and ALWAYS in my mask if I'm out of the house but indoors, except a friends house.

Next up ..... another bone marrow biopsy and a PET scan in a couple of weeks (TBD). The hope is the bone marrow continues to show this % of enfraftment (not decreasing). Then we'll start to taper off my immune suppressing drugs I'm on and let those donor cells settle in more on their own. We DON'T expect to be disease free at this PET scan. This was something Meehan explained to us weeks ago. It takes time. Knowing this upfront is actually for the first time a little comforting and lifts a whole lot of anxiety away. I quite possibly have some bit of GVHD going on with mild skin rash, dry eyes, and a few other things, as well and subclinical stuff. It's always hard to know for sure if it's Rx side effects or GVHD. Just time and watching it lets us know. If it is GVHD, that's great because it's mild and could indicate that it's also doing some GVT (graft vs tumor, or lymphoma in my case). That's the hope. Only time and faith will tell.

Be well all .... think spring, smile with the sunshine, appreciate the rain and mud. ALL have a purpose .... and how lucky we are to live it and experience it each and every day!

Love to all - Pam

p.s. I probably won't post again for a few weeks when we have more information and plans from our next round of tests.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Update ..... ok,ok not "weekly"

So I haven't updated in a bit. I know, I know. I've been reminded :) Anyways, that's kind of a good thing. Everything is just status quo and "great" are the words at my weekly Thursday trips to DHMH. Here's what that looks like....

Each week I arrive and they draw blood for labs, then meet with Dr. Meehan and/or his NP colleague Beth Kimtis. We go over labs, an exam, and talk, questions/comments/changes. Sometimes it's just about the physical stuff, many times it's about the emotional ride that goes along with this too. We're really getting to know each other all pretty well, which allows them to treat ME. I love my doctors and have complete faith in them. Every other week, I get an IV of IGG (which is a human protein to promote the growth of what's going on). This is about an hour. Once a month, I take a medicine via inhaling, called pentamidine, which helps to fight pnemonia. Then there's the bone marrow biopsies. These happen at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, and 18 months. They sample the marrow from each hip, since Hodgkin is a traveling disease, and a sample of the bone as well. I've chosen to just have it done with local lidocain. Some pain, lots of pressure, but .... throw in some labor breathing and I'm all set. In, out, get it done. This gives them information of how the cells are engrafting and how to proceed with adjusting my immune supressing drugs I'm on. And then in another month or two we'll do a PET scan. My bone marrow transplant is different from my stem cell transplant in that it takes longer to do the job it's hoping to do. It needs to reestablish that there is in fact a different immune system and then work to fight off the disease. So .... it takes longer to reach the goal. The stem cell just blasted the crap out of me with chemo in hopes to kill the cancer and then rescue me for recovery with the healthy cells they'd extracted and frozen.

My counts all have been staying in the norm. When the kids have colds, my white cells dip down a bit (but still in the normal range). I explained it to someone like, all the lights are turned on at once, and that power surge makes them dimmer because they're being overused. Well, that's the same as my bone marrow, which is still quite sensitive. So, when sickness is around me, it works overtime to keep me from getting sick, so it has dipped down from 7.2 to 4.2 or so (range is like 4.0-9.0) and back up and back down .... This is, of course, my own personal analogy. My liver and kidney function tests from blood work looks great every week and has been consistent.

My energy and stamina has definitely grown over the past two+ weeks, and is consistent. That being said, I've been totally loving these milder temps (35-40) and fresh snow. I've been snowshoeing and x-country skiing over at the Watershed (500 acre conservation trails 3-4 miles from our house) with Ella or friends 5-6 times over these past two weeks, sledding out back with the kids, having dinners with friends again when families are all healthy, finally masking up and heading to some stores to do errands at less crowded hours, even hosting our annual class sledding parties before vacation for both Sam and Tucker's classes (I REALLY can't take any credit for that other than the hot chocolate and cookies. That's ALL the one and only, camp counselor Troy), and then .... falling asleep by 9:30.

I love visitors. Just pop in. I'm either here or not. If I'm here, we'll visit a bit, if I'm not, leave a note and say hi! I probably won't keep up with my weekly/not so weekly blogs, but more periodically. Mostly because, I'm feeling good and trying to feel normal. Also, to hold on weekly and recap, traps me to that feeling again of "I still have cancer, what am I feeling and going through now, wait, wait, and update" and ..... you know what ..... I"M READY TO MOVE ON. But ..... with that note too, I WANT to tell you all how I am and what I'm going through (vs. need to) - for many reasons - but mostly, because, you're all there for me .... and continue to be.
Lots of love - Pam